My Birthday Wish

So with my husband firmly on board we are setting about getting me pregnant. And believe me, I have a whole damn town and store cheering me on in this endeavor. A coworker of mine, a very sweet girl, struggled for so long to get pregnant only to be told it would never happen. Then, suddenly, when she had lost all hope and given up the dream...she became pregnant purely by accident. Trust me, if this girl could get pregnant, then by God, so can I. I find myself so damn envious of girls who can decide to get pregnant and then BOOM, next month they are. I see women coming in with sonogram pictures they want to make copies of and I have to admit it. A swell of jealousy rips right through me. Why can't this be me? WHEN will it be me? Will it EVER be me? I don't discuss it with my coworkers because we all joke around how my offspring will be this tiny terror with ADHD but sometimes...I want to talk seriously about it. I want to share the struggle with them. To have the encouragement not to lose hope, not to throw in the towel and just say Nevermind. I hate how easy it is for others to get pregnant. How they don't have to struggle for something they really want. Meanwhile I hold my damn breath every month and hope this time it took. I don't cry about it. What good will that do? In high school my friends use to tease me that I always got whatever I wanted. Sure wish that applied now.