The Nicest Compliment

Over the last few weeks of treatment I have had to do something called "exposures" where I go into situation that would normally trigger my anxiety. My first "exposure" was to go out bowling with some awesome coworkers. I was nervous at first that people were going to be laughing at me, judging me, hell just STARING at me. But as time went on I started to focus more and more on the game and less and less on the people around us. In no time at all, I was ignoring the crowd and totally focused on just my friends, my game and my good time.

Then I started to be more active on my Facebook account. Posting more, telling little bits about my everyday life. I didn't think it was much of anything really, just me exposing myself to more chances at criticism and going into a situation I would normally have avoided. I wasn't sure any of the changes were real or even noticeable. Then yesterday I went to a bowl-a-thon my company was putting on and had. THE. Best. Time. I bowled, I laughed, I felt no anxiety. After the bowl-a-thon I was with a coworker who felted as jazzed up as I did and didn't want to just go home and sit so we went for an hour and a half long walk.

But it was something a different coworker said that told me the changes were very real and very noticed. She told me she was proud of me for being so much more outgoing socially and on Facebook. I felt so light and good I could have flown at that moment. It wasn't all in my head! There really are great changes going on within me and they are showing on the outside. People ARE taking notice. I'm breaking free of my anxiety one step at a time. It may not seem like such a big deal to go out for a walk or attend a bowling event but for me, oh yeah, its something.

Now I want to show more of those changes here on my blog spot. To chronical the good and bad days, the highs and lows. My progress. I am now working on another of my 101 in 1,001 and that is to be more positive. My writing is going to be more upbeat, even on my bad days, I will find something good out of all the bad. I know the changes in me are happening, I know they are being noticed and I want to continue in this positive direction.