So I've been miserable at my current job for some time. The pay sucks ass, the work is mundane and I've hit the glass ceiling. Now couple that with having panic attacks every morning about going in to work and you have my life. I don't want Rite Aid to be the center point of my life. Ever. I love my coworkers, they are great people, very supportive and understanding. I hate the idea of leaving them behind but...I'm job hunting. For something new and different. Something NOT retail. I've gotten a lot of encouragement to do so, many of said I have stayed at Rite Aid too long and I think they are right.
I know getting a new job doesn't mean my old issues will go away but really. I barely make $9 a hour and I've been with the company for 10 years. That is bullshit. Total and utter bullshit. I'm sick of just living from paycheck to paycheck. I want a little bit of cushion. I'm willing to do even a janitorial position at the hospital just to get the hell OUT of Rite Aid. I'm so miserable there I can't even put it into words. A few coworkers know I am looking for something else. They are being very encouraging and supportive of my choice. As is my husband.
My only real fear is the insurance. I know the insurance my husband could get through the hospital isn't as good as what we have at Rite Aid. But I cannot stay at a job that causes me so much anxiety and misery for that reason. I could end up costing my husband the very insulin pump that has made his life easier and better. That makes me feel like shit. We have no way of knowing if his insurance company would cover it. This is where my hands feel tied. Do I seek another job and hope like hell I lose my anxiety? Do I stay put and let my husband keep his insulin pump? My mental health or his wellbeing? I hate being a grown up and having to make these decisions. But I am going to look anyway. What can it hurt? I may find something with even better benefits than Rite Aid!
It would be great if the anxiety would just go away and I enjoyed my job again despite its shitty pay but I don't see that happening. My meds aren't making it go away and the counselling can only do so much. I'm doing my best to make it work, to keep up a happy front and do my job to the best of my abilities but inside I am so frigging unhappy. And its starting to become obvious to some folks. Guess I'm not doing such a great job of hiding it. My boss is happy with my work, my boss' boss is happy with my work. So why can't I be?
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