Doing Things My Way

So after months and months and MONTHS of dealing with horrible anxiety, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. I've been on 60mg of Ritalin for over a year and in that time I noticed my anxiety level increasing. To the point of having near panic attacks at the idea of going in to work. I finally had had enough. I was told the anxiety could be a side effect of the Ritalin and the fact it was "quieting" my brain down so much. But they didn't want to lower the dosage level. Well, I'm sorry, but when its causing me that much anxiety? I decided it was time to do things my way.

I started off by lowering myself to just 40mg a day to see if it made any marked difference and it did. Not much but enough to make me sit up and take notice. Then I lowered it again to just 20mg. The result? A level of anxiety that is MUCH easier to manage and deal with. Has my brain gotten any "louder" as a result? No. If anything I feel less blah and have more ambition to do things. I don't feel like a zombie anymore. Some might argue that this is the ADHD becoming unstable because I've lowered my dosage. Well guess what? I'd rather feel alive then mostly dead.

I'm still taking the same amount of Abilify to keep my mood stable and that seems to be working. Do I think I am making a huge mistake in what I am doing? No. I am doing what feels best for me. I see my shrink only on an "as needed" basis which I think is perfect. I will have my down days because of the bipolar, its unavoidable, but I just could no longer deal with the total blah feeling and not wanting to do much of anything anymore. At least now, I don't look at even taking a shower as some big chore.

Just to throw this in: Hubby and I are going to see Thor on Friday. I'm so psyched.